Saturday, June 23, 2012

Joe Girardi Cites Global Warming in Yankee Loss

During his post-game press conference, Joe Girardi blamed anthropogenic global warming for his team's improbable loss to the Mets. "There's no other exlanation. The only way a Mets player can hit a homerun is through the use of illegal performance enhancing temperatures."

When asked to explain, Girardi ranted that Ike Davis couldn't hit a ball over a Little League fence without climatic juice.

"That ball barely made it into the first row. And it went off of Swisher's glove, so it should have been a grounds-rule double."

When a reporter from the NY Post suggested that a ball bouncing off a player's glove and over the wall is indeed a homer, Girardi accused him of being a right-wing climate change denier.

"SHUT UP!" he explained, then stormed out of the pressroom without answering any further questions.