Sunday, January 28, 2007

Beginning in Earnest

The Washington Post yesterday announced the first steps in America's latest coronation. The lead headline in their Sunday edition read: Senator Clinton Begins Campaign in Earnest.

Earnest, a small suburban community just outside of Ames, was the perfect place for the President Select to begin her campaign. Confining her campaign activities to this bedroom community adjacent to the largest college town in Iowa, Illinois' Third Senator was absolutely assured of having an enthusiastic audience of sniveling liberal weenies, all gazing at her starry eyed, as she kicked off her quest to fulfill all of their hopes and dreams.

The town was founded in the 1960s by New York City expatriate professors who had migrated to Iowa in order to bring Eastern Enlightenment to this intellectually-barren fly-over outpost. They named their new home in honor of their philosophical and political hero, Ernesto "Che" Guevara.

But on this day, far from being an unqualified hit, here in Earnest, Iowa Shrillary's most glaring shortcomings became painfully apparent to anyone with one eye and one ear. The sight of her gives many folks, male and female, the dry heaves. The sound of her makes almost anyone within earshot run for the exits, screaming. The verdict: When she's chatting, she's fine, as she demonstrated in her state-of-the-art Internet announcement video.

(By the way, how did she manage to create springtime outside her Chappaqua great room? In the real world it was January, but in Clinton's little corner of Westchester every tree is green and every flower is in full bloom.)

However, when she's on a confrontational roll--as her true-believing Socialist supporters have urged--every dog within three miles heads for the fallout shelters the instant she opens her mouth. I'm not an expert on Constitutional Law, but the First Amendment says nothing about protecting freedom of screech.

Supporters of Her Heinous may dismiss these comments as the desperate ravings of troglodytes and fearful, insecure American males who are all cowering at the prospect of America's first female President. But these observations were reported in The Washington Post this morning, just one day after they gleefully heralded her pre-inaugural celebration. In today's edition WaPo describes a series of focus groups conducted with Democrats in Iowa. Yes, some people like her, they said. But most people hate her. Can she be elected? Most of these Democrats think not, which is why she is now running fourth in Iowa.

I disagree. Any candidate who wins their party's nomination has a chance to win. And a little part of me is even rooting for her. No candidate since James Earl Carter has been more thinly equipped by intellect, aptitude and talent to be President. But without Carter we could never have had Ronald Reagan. True the damage inflicted by Carter to America's economy and place in the world was considerable. But this is not 1977. When Hildebeast's husband tried to replay the Carter years there were responsible people in power who were more than willing to take him on. Today, the opposition is more organized and the bankruptcy of Clintonism is even more widely acknowledged, even by eastcoast elitist Democrats. Check out Senator Schumer's comments during a recent confab with Gov. Spitzer and Mayor Bloomberg.

So relax. It won't happen. Lady Macbeth's campaign may have begun this week in Earnest. But when it ends, the Washington Post headline will read: Senator Clinton Burned in Effigy.

Effigy is a small cattle town about ten miles from Amarillo.

Coming soon: Hillary assures voters she has the experience to deal with BAD men.