Sunday, January 28, 2007

Beginning in Earnest

The Washington Post yesterday announced the first steps in America's latest coronation. The lead headline in their Sunday edition read: Senator Clinton Begins Campaign in Earnest.

Earnest, a small suburban community just outside of Ames, was the perfect place for the President Select to begin her campaign. Confining her campaign activities to this bedroom community adjacent to the largest college town in Iowa, Illinois' Third Senator was absolutely assured of having an enthusiastic audience of sniveling liberal weenies, all gazing at her starry eyed, as she kicked off her quest to fulfill all of their hopes and dreams.

The town was founded in the 1960s by New York City expatriate professors who had migrated to Iowa in order to bring Eastern Enlightenment to this intellectually-barren fly-over outpost. They named their new home in honor of their philosophical and political hero, Ernesto "Che" Guevara.

But on this day, far from being an unqualified hit, here in Earnest, Iowa Shrillary's most glaring shortcomings became painfully apparent to anyone with one eye and one ear. The sight of her gives many folks, male and female, the dry heaves. The sound of her makes almost anyone within earshot run for the exits, screaming. The verdict: When she's chatting, she's fine, as she demonstrated in her state-of-the-art Internet announcement video.

(By the way, how did she manage to create springtime outside her Chappaqua great room? In the real world it was January, but in Clinton's little corner of Westchester every tree is green and every flower is in full bloom.)

However, when she's on a confrontational roll--as her true-believing Socialist supporters have urged--every dog within three miles heads for the fallout shelters the instant she opens her mouth. I'm not an expert on Constitutional Law, but the First Amendment says nothing about protecting freedom of screech.

Supporters of Her Heinous may dismiss these comments as the desperate ravings of troglodytes and fearful, insecure American males who are all cowering at the prospect of America's first female President. But these observations were reported in The Washington Post this morning, just one day after they gleefully heralded her pre-inaugural celebration. In today's edition WaPo describes a series of focus groups conducted with Democrats in Iowa. Yes, some people like her, they said. But most people hate her. Can she be elected? Most of these Democrats think not, which is why she is now running fourth in Iowa.

I disagree. Any candidate who wins their party's nomination has a chance to win. And a little part of me is even rooting for her. No candidate since James Earl Carter has been more thinly equipped by intellect, aptitude and talent to be President. But without Carter we could never have had Ronald Reagan. True the damage inflicted by Carter to America's economy and place in the world was considerable. But this is not 1977. When Hildebeast's husband tried to replay the Carter years there were responsible people in power who were more than willing to take him on. Today, the opposition is more organized and the bankruptcy of Clintonism is even more widely acknowledged, even by eastcoast elitist Democrats. Check out Senator Schumer's comments during a recent confab with Gov. Spitzer and Mayor Bloomberg.

So relax. It won't happen. Lady Macbeth's campaign may have begun this week in Earnest. But when it ends, the Washington Post headline will read: Senator Clinton Burned in Effigy.

Effigy is a small cattle town about ten miles from Amarillo.

Coming soon: Hillary assures voters she has the experience to deal with BAD men.

6 comments:

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usce said...

Dear HenHen,

Your touching rave of Joe's column is so commercially driven I want to puke.

usce said...

Dear Joe,
Sorry for that commercial intrusion. May I remind you that it was Bill Clinton who erased the National deficit (created by Reagan and his buddy, Bush the First) and indeed created a surplus that has now been squandered (along with our good will) by Bush.

Joseph Martini said...

The Clinton administration instituted the largest tax hike in history in the spring of 1993... and then accomplished...????

Oh yeah... their pathetic attempt at health care reform.

Oh yeah... the surplus??? Why could we not get the middle class tax cut promised during the 1992 campaign? The deficit.

Then, in the last year of his presidency Clinton reported that the government had actually been running a five-year cumulative surplus of $559 billion. The cash had been hiding for all those years underneath Hitlery's Rose Law Firm billing records.

USA Today reported that the audited figures for those five years showed a deficit of $484 billion. Off by just a trillion dollars.

Not that the chuckleheads running the show now are any better. In fact, they're worse. They use the same bogus accounting methods. But they know that it's wrong and they do it anyway.

R. Reynolds said...

Today's blog is a perfect example of how the dying Bush apologists make their case. The Chappaqua sign, which was obviously fabricated in photoshop, could only have been made on Long Island. Chappaqua has no highways that accept trucks--indeed, you'd need to drive 10 miles to find the nearest one. Joe is so used to tractor trailers in his free-market backyard, he thinks all towns look like Bayonne. And to say Hillary hasn't the intellect of Dubya and Dutch, well...good luck with that argument!

Joseph Martini said...

FABRICATED BY PHOTOSHOP! OMG!

Thank you for pointing that out. It obviously takes an expert. Will you do me favor and check the authenticity of the new Gold Rolex I bought last week on Canal Street? I paid the extra $2 for the gold one, but I figured, hey, if you're gonna get a Rolex. For another $2 I could have gotten the one with the diamonds, but I needed the two bucks for the subway.

I know that Chappaquans don't allow anything as inelegant as trucks on their pristine byways. I've seen Chappaquan merchants hauling their wares along the Saw Mill River Parkway in ox carts and landscapers carrying their hand tools in backpacks as they trudge from one job to the next on foot. I'm also told that FedEx uses precision guided weapon technology to air drop packages directly onto the front porches of their Chappaquan customers. How do they make pickups? Maybe you can enlighten me.